Author: José Manuel Cotilla Conceição

Making the Most of the Question: ‘How are you?’

If employees, coachees or students count with the words to describe their feelings and needs, they will be better equipped to help themselves.

Being aware and sensitive to mental health is one of the most important things in life. Throughout the last decades, there has been a notorious progress regarding understanding the importance of taking care of one’s mental health.

What is the meaning of being aware of mental health?

It means taking care of you.

During the pandemic, people seem much more open to talk about mental illness and share their feelings and experiences than in the past.
The omnipresent prejudice around this topic throughout different countries and cultures is steadily decreasing, not being (as) shameful (as before) to have a mental health issue. People start feeling the liberation from expressing what they are going through. With sharing your vulnerabilities you become more relatable, feel more understood, more likeable, less alone. Ultimately, this helps paveing your way out that loneliness and isolation that prevents you from healing.

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Wellness

Since the beginning of 2020, whether you are a manager, a teacher or a coach, you might have found yourself asking ‘How are you?’ more than you used to. It is a question that intends to tap into the well-being status of the person, to gain insights on how they are. It has a major risk though: it often falls into a polarised answer (I’m fine/I’m not fine) rather than something chosen from a range of options. This often comes due to misconception of what wellness represents.

Wellness is not a status.

Wellness does not equal the word ‘happiness.’ Happiness is ‘per se’ a subjective concept. Well-being, wellbeing, or wellness is then the condition of an individual or group. A higher level of well-being means that in some sense the individual’s or group’s condition is more positive. According to Naci and Ioannidis (2015), “Wellness refers to diverse and interconnected dimensions of physical, mental, and social well-being that extend beyond the traditional definition of health.

When asking ‘How are you’, we need to ensure that wellness is not perceived and understood as a one-layer-concept comprised only by ‘happiness’, but a multi-layered one made from a lot more than that.

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Layers of Wellness

Gregg (2013) states what the baseline is when it comes to the concept of wellness: there are no real agreements what the term means. Through his research, he concludes that wellness is not only one concept but the interplay of four separable domains of variables:

• Ideology and values.
• Environmental stressors and resources.
• Health and functioning.
• Subjective well-being.

Next time you ask the question ‘How are you?’ remember that you are actually aligning four different domains in your head:

1. The subjective experience of pleasure and sense of life satisfaction;
2. The health and functioning of the individual;
3. The environmental context;
4. The person’s ideology and view of morality.

It is when these four layers are in harmony in the positive direction then we have true, authentic well-being. (Gregg, 2013)

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Helping others understand the different layers of wellness

Previously, we mentioned the natural reaction of answering ‘I am fine/I am not fine’, to our main question. This response comes from linking wellness to ‘happiness’.

In the sessions with our employees, coachees or students, we can start changing that by raising awareness of two different perceptions of wellness: the hedonistic and eudaimonic traditions.

Hedonistic traditions

People evaluate their wellnes by how satisfied they are with their lives, how pleasurable they are and their level of happiness.

Eudaimonic traditions

People evaluate their wellness assessing their personal stenghts and areas of growth. Always having in mind a holistic approach, understanding their value, role and function to a larger group, system or highest good.

I consider the hedonistic and eudaimonic traditions the roots of the fixed and growth mindset. The eudaimonic traditions, as the growth mindset, provide broader and wider concepts of wellness and development than their counterparts. When our employees, coachees and students have a more expansive understanding of these concepts, they will count with a larger range of options and words to express how they are when we ask our question.

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The Six Layers of Wellness (model)

The Six Layers of Wellness is a model I built inspired in the growth mindset, taking root in eudaimonic traditions and through the research of Gregg (2013), Kjell (2016) and Bintfliff (2020).

Kjell (2016) lists six dimensions of eudaimonia on his ‘Questionannaire of Eudaimonic Well-being” developed in Positive Psychology:

1. Self-discovery;
2. Perceived development of one’s best potentials;
3. A sense of purpose and meaning in life;
4. Investment of significant effort in pursuit of excellence;
5. Intense involvement in activities; and
6. Enjoyment of activities as personally expressive.

Based on these results, these are the six layers of wellness:

The Six Layers of Wellness: model by José Manuel Cotilla Conceição

• Primary needs: Those are the basic needs that a person needs in their life. It envolves the lower elements from Maslow’s Pyramid: biological needs (air, water, food, sleep, health, among others) and safety (housing, financial autonomy, etc.).
• Connection: Sense of belonging to a place, to a group, to a system or community.
• Growth: The personal and professional development of the individual. Sense of thriving through growth and how these challenges, outcomes and wellbeing are related.
• Purpose: What is the purpose of the person in a wide range of aspects. What is the sense of purpose on short-, mid- and long term. Focus on the present and what can be built from there.
• Engagement: Sense of joy and feeling of looking forward to do things individually and in society. How engaged they are within their personal goals, projects, school, office, community family or friends.
• Self-expresion: Ability to express themselves in any shape or form. The ability to use any outlet to share their voice.

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How to improve communication using the question: ‘How are you?’

Have an open conversation with your employees, coachees or students about wellness. It can be in any shape or form, from a one-on-one meeting to a workshop based set up.

Explore the different conceptions of wellness, hedonist and eudamonic traditions, and analyse the advantages of each one of them.

Introduce the six layers of wellness and brainstorm what are their initial thoughts, feelings and observations to each one of these dimensions.

Start reflecting on these different areas and agreeing on using them in future conversations when expressing personal feelings.

Use regular check-ins to follow-up on their well-being and to give continuity in the process. You will gain more insights on how they are and they will find an outlet for self-expression, reducing isolation and contributing to improve their mental health.

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